


Twins

by PuellaMidori



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-03
Updated: 2013-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-10 07:45:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/783552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuellaMidori/pseuds/PuellaMidori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody wakes up one day saying, “Hey! I sure would like to become an alcoholic!” That’s not how it works, and anyone who tells you different is full of shit. Nobody would want that. Being drunk is not something you want.</p><p>It’s something you need.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twins

Picking up the bottle the first time is probably the same for every single teenager out there, so long as their universe has alcohol. Maybe you’re out at a party with friends. Maybe you’re alone and you want to experiment. It doesn’t matter what triggers that first sip, but the end result is always disgust. How could anyone actually enjoy something that tastes like this? You say to yourself, “I will never drink again, and why would I?” This statement usually holds true for a while, but then something happens. Usually it’s no big deal. Drinking is a social game, and everybody plays it. But sometimes it becomes more than that.

I drink because I’m scared. I don’t know what will happen next, and I’m supposed to. I drink because everything is all wrong, and people are dead, and because three years is a long time. I drink to not worry. I drink because I can’t be left alone with my oh-so-complex mind. I drink because it’s my last hope to know my mother.

Because love weighs too heavy. So that I can’t be held responsible. Too much, too often. Not knowing how to stop.

I drank because I was always so alone and I never knew what would happen next. I drank because I was always the one left out of everyone’s plans, and everyone’s lives. I drank because why else would there be so much alcohol, if not for me. I drank to get away with things. I drank so I wouldn’t seem so sad. I drank because nobody would ever be there to stop me, not even my own mother.

Look around. Look at the trouble it causes. Knowing it isn’t a solution. Continuing, regardless. Eventually you stop caring about the others at all, the ones you cared so much about in the first place. Yourself, you stopped caring about long ago. Dizzied up on a path of self-destruction that feels so damn good, until suddenly it doesn’t. You want to smash the bottle against the wall but you can’t do that until you’ve emptied it.

It doesn’t matter what made the bottle your closest friend. Eventually the bottle is your only friend. You shut down, unable to function, with or without it. You still can’t stop. The only thing you see is darkness. You can’t walk, you can’t sit, you can’t fucking BREATHE. There’s nothing left for you, you can’t be saved but still you want to cry out. “DOESN’T ANYONE HEAR ME? CAN’T ANYBODY HELP ME?”

Of course, nobody can help you. Not until you let them in. But you’ll never be able to do that again. You don’t have a problem, after all. You just want to have some fun! That’s all this is, right? Good fun.

It’s funny, don’t you think? The things that can change us. No. The things that can make us want to change ourselves. How logical it seems, to pick up a drink and have everything fixed. No effort on your part. No matter how much you know about the human psyche you still fall prey to the simplest things.

But sometimes, there are things that make us want to change in a good way. Dying can be a pretty good cure for a hangover after all. And all you have to do is set your mind to it, then you can fix everything right up! You just need to find the right thing to focus your energy on, and ignore all those wrong things that rotted your brain for so long! Once you can do that, don’t let anybody tell you you’re wrong because only you know what’s good for you.

Sometimes you can find your light at just the right time, and learn to control the void as you were meant to.

But sometimes the void keeps dragging you in, kicking and screaming; and you can’t control the light when you need it more the most.

Nobody chooses to be an alcoholic. There are only those who choose to work a little harder, and those who haven’t been able to make that choice yet. While it may look like you’ve chosen self-destruction it only means you haven’t had a chance to choose salvation yet. But your chance is coming soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Argh. I just needed to write this. What is coherent and in character writing? Haven't a clue, sorry, just doing a bit of a vent write here dudes.


End file.
